Please check on me tomorrow, because the secret I am going to let out now can have me murdered.
I have this huge, bulky fella as my friend. I cannot reveal his name for reasons you will know once you finish reading. So I will only use pronouns while talking about him in this post.
Now this friend of mine is such a giant that finding clothes (including undergarments) and shoes for him is a mammoth task... literally! His shoe size is somewhere near 15, his waist must be 42, height 5'9 and his weight keeps dangling from 125.5 kgs to 125.7 kgs.
His dark complexion adds to his handsomeness. And to top it all, he has long hair, because he thinks he is a rockstar! His potbelly is the only thing on him that looks bigger than him. Not a very nice profile for shaadi.com, I must say!
He had been wanting to go shopping for a long time, but there was no company. To tell you the truth, he had exhausted all his friends. Once you go clothes, a.k.a tent hunting with him, you will vow never to, again. As fate would have it, I was caught in the net this time.
So we went to Forum Mall in Koramangala, Bangalore last Sunday. He picked up some XXXL t-shirts at Shopper's Stop and two free-size trousers. Yes, the colours were really dirty, but he had no option. I guess that's the price you pay for being on the heaviest side of the scale.
He finally stuffed himself into the trial room somehow, asking me to stand outside so that I can approve his choice. I don't think there was much to approve though. It was as if we were doing size shopping instead of clothes shopping.
Whatever, there I was... standing with other women who were waiting for their husbands or boyfriends to appear from the trial room, looking like blaahs and feeling like Hrithik and Shahrukh. I wanted to hold a placard claiming that I am not related to the elephant who will squeeze out of that room in sometime.
I heard some commotion, and realised my dear friend was in the process of opening the door and coming out. There he was, beaming, happy with the clothes.
'Hey da, so what do you say to this? How do I look, huh?'
I stood there, dumbfounded. Then I heard screams of women, followed by their kids, and then the men. They started running after that, cursing and still screaming.
I closed my eyes. I did not want to see what I almost saw, and what all those other shoppers had seen. I was blocking a full-length mirror, so I stepped aside to let my friend see what had left everyone horrified. He stared at himself, red with embarrassment.
'What the f*** is that?'
'It's not what, it's you the f*** is that. Where are your trousers? And why don't you wear anything under that?' I shouted at him, angry at the fact that I was accompanying this beast.
His modesty was on public display. It took him full 2 minutes to turn and rush back to the trial room. That fool did not even have the common sense to cover his big bums with this hands while he stuffed himself inside.
And well, he had the courage to tell me later that he would buy all the clothes he tried. I mean, how could anyone have the guts to stand at that place for even a second more and pay at the cash counter? Leave the showroom, I didn't even want to visit that mall again in my life.
'Well, you see, that room was very small. Yes there were mirrors all around, but I could hardly see anything. My stomach blocked the view and I didn't realise I had forgotten the pants.' He gave an explanation I didn't want to hear. And even after all that drama, he had the nerve to say,
'I didn't find any underwear of my size. Everything has become so tight. Errr... will you come shopping for that with me?'
I have this huge, bulky fella as my friend. I cannot reveal his name for reasons you will know once you finish reading. So I will only use pronouns while talking about him in this post.
Now this friend of mine is such a giant that finding clothes (including undergarments) and shoes for him is a mammoth task... literally! His shoe size is somewhere near 15, his waist must be 42, height 5'9 and his weight keeps dangling from 125.5 kgs to 125.7 kgs.
His dark complexion adds to his handsomeness. And to top it all, he has long hair, because he thinks he is a rockstar! His potbelly is the only thing on him that looks bigger than him. Not a very nice profile for shaadi.com, I must say!
He had been wanting to go shopping for a long time, but there was no company. To tell you the truth, he had exhausted all his friends. Once you go clothes, a.k.a tent hunting with him, you will vow never to, again. As fate would have it, I was caught in the net this time.
So we went to Forum Mall in Koramangala, Bangalore last Sunday. He picked up some XXXL t-shirts at Shopper's Stop and two free-size trousers. Yes, the colours were really dirty, but he had no option. I guess that's the price you pay for being on the heaviest side of the scale.He finally stuffed himself into the trial room somehow, asking me to stand outside so that I can approve his choice. I don't think there was much to approve though. It was as if we were doing size shopping instead of clothes shopping.
Whatever, there I was... standing with other women who were waiting for their husbands or boyfriends to appear from the trial room, looking like blaahs and feeling like Hrithik and Shahrukh. I wanted to hold a placard claiming that I am not related to the elephant who will squeeze out of that room in sometime.
I heard some commotion, and realised my dear friend was in the process of opening the door and coming out. There he was, beaming, happy with the clothes.
'Hey da, so what do you say to this? How do I look, huh?'
I stood there, dumbfounded. Then I heard screams of women, followed by their kids, and then the men. They started running after that, cursing and still screaming.
I closed my eyes. I did not want to see what I almost saw, and what all those other shoppers had seen. I was blocking a full-length mirror, so I stepped aside to let my friend see what had left everyone horrified. He stared at himself, red with embarrassment.
'What the f*** is that?'
'It's not what, it's you the f*** is that. Where are your trousers? And why don't you wear anything under that?' I shouted at him, angry at the fact that I was accompanying this beast.
His modesty was on public display. It took him full 2 minutes to turn and rush back to the trial room. That fool did not even have the common sense to cover his big bums with this hands while he stuffed himself inside.
And well, he had the courage to tell me later that he would buy all the clothes he tried. I mean, how could anyone have the guts to stand at that place for even a second more and pay at the cash counter? Leave the showroom, I didn't even want to visit that mall again in my life.
'Well, you see, that room was very small. Yes there were mirrors all around, but I could hardly see anything. My stomach blocked the view and I didn't realise I had forgotten the pants.' He gave an explanation I didn't want to hear. And even after all that drama, he had the nerve to say,
'I didn't find any underwear of my size. Everything has become so tight. Errr... will you come shopping for that with me?'
Must say you are bold enough to talk about underwear so candidly! Next time, if you do visit that mall, forget not to buy him the required garment of the apt size invariably!
ReplyDeleteOK... that was an interesting one.. :/
ReplyDelete